So, you might ask, if 80% of marriages are cheating, why don’t 80% of my friends have cheating husbands or wives? Well, I never said that the cheaters are being exposed!

An even bigger epidemic is the act of cyber cheating. Cyber cheating is the act of carrying on relationships of a sexual nature over the internet. With the advent of the World Wide Web, people can now carry on deep relationships online and even have what is called cyber sex.

Now, there’s a debate ongoing whether cyber cheating is actually cheating. But I wish to share my own thoughts on the subject with you.

I think cheating is in the heart. If someone is devoting attention to someone of the other sex for reasons of having an online relationship, I feel this is very wrong. As the spouse, I feel that all affection, besides that directed to other family members, should be mine.

Another problem with cyber relationships is that it often carries on into cyber sex. This strikes me the same way as actual physical contact. From a male standpoint, I believe most men have sex to pleasure themselves. Whether the contact is physical or over a modem, I still feel the end result is gaining pleasure of someone else that isn’t me.

Sure, you might be able to shrug off this behavior. At least, you say, they aren’t going out. But what relationship will continue under these circumstances. Doesn’t it make sense that eventually the two parties will want to physically meet, and doesn’t it stand to reason that they will be intimate?

Okay, so you agree that cyber cheating is a real problem. If not, continue on to the next chapter. But if you want to find out if your mate is active in this form of cheating, read on.

Are they actually cyber cheating? Here’s some warning signs:

1. They turn off the monitor or close the laptop when you walk in on them.
2. Spending tons of time on the computer.
3. Staying on the computer even after you went to bed.

If any of the above sound familiar, or if you have a feeling something’s not right, there are ways to check out the activity of your spouse. Often, cyber cheating is done in chat rooms. But it often overflows into the cheater’s e-mail box as well.

A tip off might be a e-mail address that you don’t have access to. Another might be spending tons of time on the computer, neglecting everything else.

One way to check on your spouse’s activities is to check the history. Are they visiting personal meeting sites or chat rooms. You can also check the cookie jar on your browser which deposit’s a cookie when someone visits parts the internet. Checking the names for different curious cookies then checking them out is an easy way to see where your mate spends their time. As a final option, you can purchase software to see everywhere your spouse goes and what they do. You can check e-mail messages and chat room conversations. It really is the quick way to find out exactly what your spouse is up to.

And remember. If you do discover your spouse is guilty of a cyber affair and you approach them, be prepared that they will say it’s not really cheating. The best answer to that is, “then why did you keep it a secret”?

Kevin A. Hooks
Director of Investigations
INTERPROBE, INC.